Cockney Interlude
by Isabella Uke
Summary: The Cockney Hitcher comes to the shop late one night to find a very bored Vince. Loosely based off the episode 'Eels'. Yaoi in later chapters.


It was a dark and stormy night, and the rain was coming down in buckets. Howard had gone out and left Vince with the shop, having had a tango class to go to. Vince wanted no part in this, so had agreed to hold down the fort for a couple of hours. This, really, wasn't the best idea, in retrospect, because ten minutes passed and he was left bored, playing with a little red car. Normally this would have held his attention for hours, had he had an audience, but what was the fun of acting a bit childish if nobody was watching?

The boredom had just gotten dire enough for him to begin rummaging through Howard's numerous and equally boring elbow patches when a knock- well, more like a loud bang- came from the door. Vince spun around, clearly delighted. His face did sink a bit, though, when he realized he couldn't possibly let the person in; Howard would kill him. And there wasn't any chance of doing it in secret. The person would surely track in mud from outside, and Vince detested cleaning. He'd have to leave it for Moon, who wouldn't appreciate it.

The banging came again, this time more impatient, knocking Vince out of his brief daydream.

"I'm sorry, we're closed," he called, in his very best shopkeeper voice, although he did sound a bit forlorn as he turned back around to pick up the car. Behind him, he heard the door swing open, and the smell of rain briefly wafted in.

"I said we're closed," he repeated, unable to keep the slight irritation out of his voice. Now there'd be mud, and Howard would never believe that someone had just barged in. He spun around to have a look, see if the person was up for confrontation- and dropped the car.

"And what do we have here...?"

Vince swallowed hard. He wasn't the type to be intimidated by any sort of person; tall, short, mean, overly friendly, black, white, or purple. But this man was green. Not only was he green, but he held a sort of weird presence around him that made Noir raise one eyebrow. What was that he was wearing? A top hat- fair enough, Vince wore those sometimes- but that scraggly white hair coming out of it, that surely didn't match. He looked too young for white hair anyways, but it was a strange sort of young. His eyes said he was far older than his skin pleaded. His green skin. From the hat down, it got less and less trendy, from the red scarf to the unbecoming and somewhat menacing black trench coat. The red pants were an exception, but they were a lot more form fitting than was desirable on a man of his 'age'. Realizing he was being rude by just standing there, mouth partially open, Vince shook his mane of hair to clear his head, and managed a smile.

"It's a shop," he explained, peering at the puddle growing on the floor.

"A shop?" the man repeated, grinning widely, showing off a number of yellowing teeth. At this point, Vince nodded. "And just what do you sell here?"

"Oh, all sorts of things," Vince replied, going off into his normal rant. "You know, clothes, jewelry, chairs, fake fruit, and…and this!" He held up the toy car, which the man promptly snatched from his hand and held to his eye for closer inspection.

"This is quite nice," the man said grudgingly, after a moment of general disapproval. "How much for it?"

"Fifty Euros," Vince replied. The man nodded, slipping it in to his front pocket. The other man thought of asking him just how he planned on paying, but thought better of it. He didn't look as if he liked to be trifled with.

"Know what this place used to be?" the green man asked, slipping off his coat and tossing it on to a chair, making Vince flinch. Obviously he planned on staying for a while.

"I have no idea, sir," Vince replied, the 'sir' thrown in for good measure.

"It used to be a pie shop," the man replied, "They used to serve eels. You ever had an eel before, boy?"

"No," Vince admitted, tossing his hair over his shoulder. "But I did have some dodgy green stuff once. Made me see bubbles." The Cockney snorted, and dropped the subject, probably thinking that Vince wouldn't understand the strangeness he'd meant to get across either way.

"Back in my day," he began, leaning in and running his tongue across his flawed teeth, "A boy such as yourself, if ye know what I mean, would be out on the corner, rain or shine!" He sighed, rocking back on his heels for a moment and looking nowhere, as if reminiscing. "That's right. They didn't need no sparkly suits, either, not to get our attention." Vince nodded, then did somewhat of a double take.

"I'm sorry? Did you say they'd be out on the corner?" He laughed. "How did they sell anything? Oh! Street venders." Vince grinned. "Right."

"Not street venders!" the Cockney snapped, waving his cane dangerously. "I'm talking about the oldest and most honorable trade, boy!" He spat. "I was out there myself, earning my keep. I was an orphan, ye see. Then when I was a bit older, they came to me." Vince puzzled over this in his head for a second, obviously confused.

"The oldest trade."

"That's it."

"And you were out on the corner?"

"From dawn to dusk."

Vince shook his head again, frowning. He still didn't get it, and he had far too much pride to admit it. There was just going to have to be another way.

"I think," he began, eyes lighting up, "I'd understand it better if I were to see a bit of it in action, you know, corner things and all." The Cockney threw back his head, holding on to his hat, and laughed at this. Noir peered forward, observing the black molars in his mouth until he stopped.

"Then you shall see it, boy! Perfect place, this is, right next to the corner, not in the nicest part of town, you in that." He motioned to the door with his cane. "Come on, then. I'll show you how it's done."

"Alright!" Vince agreed, smiling broadly, and seeming to have forgotten all about his shop duties. He grabbed Howard's grubby brown coat, figuring that nobody would be out to see him in it, only to have it knocked out of his hands.

"No coat," the Cockney said sternly, and made his way out, Vince following him, just as confused as before. They walked together under as many awnings as they could, to avoid being soaked, until they made it to the corner. It wasn't a cold rain, though, so when they finally arrived and stepped out in it, Vince almost found it refreshing. The shop had started to smell a bit like wet dogs.

"Now!" the green man started, shoving Vince out further, until he was nearly at the edge. "Lean forward, that's it, just a little," and positioned the black haired man as commanded. "Pull back your hips, boy, lean in with your back and push out the backside!" This earned the other man a swift thwack to the lower thighs with the cane, and he promptly did as told.

"I don't really see what we're doing here," Vince admitted, as one hand was put on his hip. His spine hurt from pushing his ass out. The rain was soaking his hair, but sliding neatly over the glinting jumpsuit.

"If you're going to complain about th' methods, then don't ask how it's to be done," the Cockney snarked back.

"Sorry," he replied hastily, as his other hand was drawn out and all of the fingers were curled in, save for the middle one, which the Cockney crooked.

"Now. Move that one, go on. "

"Like this?" Vince asked, wiggling it in a 'come here' sort of way.

"Exactly, there we go."

It was about then, when a car drove by and honked twice, that it all began to sink in to Vince Noir's head. The rain had picked up by then, and was pounding down around them in a steady roar. He straightened up abruptly when it clicked.

"You mean to tell me that you were a prostitute?" he halfway screamed, to be heard over the violent noise.

"And you'd make a right good one, with your hips and that," the Cockney replied, giving Vince what he must have considered a friendly thwack to the ass with his cane. Vince backed on to the pavement again, making sure not to step out on to the road in his shock.

"Yeah, well, I think I've had enough of that," he answered, both flattered and horrified.

"I'll take tea then," said the green man.

Vince thought it best not to argue.


End file.
